Everything Swank

Recently Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was featured in The Boston Hearld for supposedly giving the finger (that wonderfully expressive way to say “Fuck You” preferred by everyone from politicians, preachers, and other degenerates) to one of thier reporters.

“Not true,” counters Kathy Arberg, Supreme Court spokeswoman, who maintains that, rather than giving the finger, Justice Scalia actually gave them “…a hand off the chin gesture that was meant to be dismissive.” (Which is, by the way, that wonderfully expressive way to say “Fuck You” preferred by nobody but Italians.)

Thus, in legal parlance, a precedent has been established here by an official of the highest court in the nation. If you say “Fuck you” with a single finger, especially outside of a church, you are a filthy rat-bastard. However, if you say “Fuck you” with five fingers, especially outside of a church, you are a swell guy; no harm’s done all’s well that ends well. Right? Wrong, fuck-weed…

YOU should actually be really pissed off that the Supreme Court has again tried to complicate the obvious by creating alternate meaning behind different forms of “dismissive” gestures. “Fuck you,” when said giving extra emphasis to the vowels so as to make the words 30 seconds long or more, can be extremely dismissive. If fact, it’s one of my favorite ways to dismiss people. Whether you are saying “Fuck you” with a one finger, five fingers, your mouth, your ass, your demeanor, over a recording, typing it in a blog-post, or whatever your preferred method is; you are still saying “Fuck you.”

The French are at it again. Taking to the streets to raise hell in a greater attempt to show the world that no one can stop them from sucking on a whole new global level.
This time it’s over a labor laws designed to keep France from further slipping into the abyss of irrelevance. Before this was law was passed, after six months of employment any employee was guaranteed employment for life unless convicted of a crime, or fraud against the company.

So of course, firing them because they completely suck at the job is out of the question.

The result of this bullshit socialism? Unemployment of over 25% for young workers. That and a complete lack of any innovation in all of France.
In an attempt to actually make French companies relevant, the government would allow workers under 26 to be fired for no reason. You know, like pretty much every other job on planet earth.

This is no shock to anyone who has visited France. At any one given time someone rioting over their protected jobs with seven weeks of vacation, or enacting racial violence on muslims when they forget how European and sophisticated they are supposed to act.
How retarded are the French? Just how programmed for failure are they?

Think of it this way. When the wall in Germany fell, the Germans faced a 45% unemployment rate. In less than one decade, they managed to reduce theirs to below France’s unemployment rate and achieve greater financial growth.
Maybe we should have let the Germans keep France.

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” —Mark Twain

Easily one of the most obnoxious “celebrities” ever to disgrace television, Paris Hilton always conjures up in my mind a single question: “Why?”

This is not the “why” that comes in front of “does’nt someone give her a good ‘five to the eyes?’” or “does my stomach hurt like I have just been kicked in the nuts everytime her emaciated clown-mask of a face fills my television tube?” No. My “why” comes in front of “is this bitch famous at all?”

Probably best known for portraying herself with Nicole Richie in “The Simple Life” (where millions of mindless morons watch these two scrawny twats patronize other mindless morons in thier own homes and towns) she has also appeared in the “Blockbuster” The Cat in The Hat (with “Blockbuster” being defined as a movie that had the right combination of utter retardation, bad acting, and totally fucking up on a childhood classic to attract every better off aborted bastard with thier non-attentive parents in tow so as to gross over $100 million) as well as such “other” films as Wonderland, Raising Helen, Pauly Shore is Dead, House of Wax, National Lampoon’s Pledge This!, and Bottom’s Up (with other being defined as so abhorrently awful that even the mindless morons who watch “The Simple Life” did not go and see them).

These are just the “Official” credits. Unofficially there was the pirated video of her putting down her damned dog (who may, in fact, actually be Nicole Richie) and cell phone long enough to get her cavernous cunt railroaded by number 23 of the exactly 35 poeple who actually saw Pauly Shore is Dead.

The preceding paragraphs, like the first warning farts of an impending shit-storm as you sit down on the toilet that is our television culture, are not all. She has a book out which is still currently on the New York Times “Best Seller” list (proving that mindless morons not only watch television but also read after thier fashion– “Ooooh look at the pretty pictures!!”) but is also working on an album. An Album? I would rather listen to another 4000 redundant “you might be a redneck” jokes from that meatwhistle Jeff Foxworthy.

To sum up, “Why is Paris Hilton famous?” She is a smarmy, diarrhetic, asshole belching forth sticky wads of shit all over television, film, print, and now music. Without a single claim to legitimate fame and having actually worked for and earned nothing, we still let her roam the red carpets of all the major award shows where the greats of the past like Marilyn Monroe or Elizabeth Taylor– who once showed the world how graceful women with real poise comported themselves– must roll over in thier graves ass-up everytime this titless wonder humiliates herself on live un-editable television.

If you have not ever heard this classic song, you are seriously deficient on your Daily Allowance of Vitamin: Kick Ass.

This song rocks on so many levels they cannot be expressed in words. Well, no words that don’t include “kick ass,” “bitchin,” and “fuckin awesome.”
This song includes lyrical jems like…

Prancing like a cat on a hot tin shack,
Lord, have mercy! Come on little sister, come on and shake it!

This isn’t any pussified rap-rock bullshit. This is straight come-at-you bitchin guitar rock. If you listen to this song long enough, you might even grow your testicles back you lost listening to that girlie TOP 40 shit like Pussycat Dolls.

Charlie Sheen, best known for his roles on “Spin City” and “Ferris Buellers Day Off” and “Two and a Half Men” and being a general hollywood fuck-up, has become the latest of a series of hollywood stars to finally realize we cannot imagine another day without their opinions on the great issues of the day.

He has recently come to the conclusion that the tragedy on 9-11 wasn’t the result of the planes with 10,000 gallons of jet fuel, but rather part of a vast conspiracy.

“call me insane, but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition?”

Yes. You are insane. Completely.

Of course, instead of taking care of his kinds he is off on another mission.

“It is up to us to reveal the truth,” Sheen asserted. “We owe it to everybody’s life who was drastically altered, horrifically that day and forever. We owe it to them to uncover what happened.”

How this shat-bag continues to pull major league ass completely astounds me. Of course, in a recent poll on CNN today, we also learn that the majority of citizens are also completely stupid.

It’s time to start thinning the herd.