Everything Swank

In addition to trading stocks, finding the best articles, and bitching about politics and business, I do enjoy the occasional gossip straight out of Hollywood. Yahoo just released their top gossip blogs list here.

1. Perez Hilton
2. Media Take Out
3. The Superficial
4. Concreteloop.com
5. Pink is the New Blog
6. D-Listed
7. WWTDD
8. Hollywood Tuna
9. Popsugar.com
10. Just Jared

11. Hollywoodrag.com
12. Egotastic
13. I Don’t Like You in That Way
14. Go Fug Yourself
15. Bossip
16. A Socialite’s Life
17. Drunken Stepfather
18. Cake and Ice Cream
19. Young Black and Fabulous
20. Mollygood.com

Easily the best in the bunch is What Would Tyler Durdern Do? I never knew how many celebrities I hated until I stumbled upon WWTDD. It’s not the most complete gossip site on the web, but it’s easily the most mean spirited. That makes it tops in my book. He never runs out of ways to call someone a dirty whore, and that takes talent considering todays Hollywood.

I guess if you decide you want to rant obnoxious shit, just declare yourself a booze-hound, and check yourself into rehab.  Micheal Richards, Mel Gibson have hid their fucktard comments behind substance abuse, and now it’s Isiah Washington who is a no name actor on a television show whose largest demographic are girls waiting to experience puberty.

At least Michael Richars and Mel Gibson were actually shit hammered for their public slurrings.  Isiah Washington decided to declare, in a stunning moment of smug brilliance,  that he never called his co-”star” a “faggot” on a hollywood award show.  Is he the only person who doesn’t know that the only people who watch award shows are B-list stars, fat girls hoping to catch a glimpse of Orlando Bloom, and gay men checking out the fashions and……Orlando Bloom?

Listen up  douche-bag, you are on Grey’s Anatomy.  There isn’t a more gay show on television right now.  You aren’t on 24, Alias, or Monday Night Football.  You’re the type of idiot who shows up to perform at a Cher concert and yell “what er all the queers doing here !?!?!?”  Dumbass.

This is the list of the 25 top male celebrities associated with the word “gay” added to their names from Yahoo search.

1. Mario Lopez
2. Vin Diesel
3. Jeff Garcia
4. Jared Leto
5. Pete Wentz
6. Michael Strahan
7. Wentworth Miller
8. Ricky Martin
9. Patrick Dempsey
10. Jake Gyllenhaal

11. Daniel Craig
12. Keanu Reeves
13. Gerard Butler
14. Colin Farrell
15. Randy Orton
16. Ian McKellen
17. Gerard Way
18. Eddie Murphy
19. Jeremy Piven
20. Chris Evans

Man. You have to wonder about that. Almost none of these men are openly gay (not that there is anything wrong with that), but at some point does a million web page queries asking if you are gay make it so? Who knows. I’d love to see the top 20 actors associated with the search term “bangs sheep.”

Here’s the link. What’s more funny is that there isn’t more interest in actors who are actually gay. At least half of these guys have been in a movie or play a sport where they spent a disproportionate time in tights, so that’s pretty much guaranteed some people will think you hang out in bars called “The Blue Tool Box”, but a lot of these just seem like wishful thinking on the part of gay men. There also doesn’t appear to be any room to be fat and gay either. I don’t see any fatties on this list.

I cannot wait for the eventual follow up to this list. Hopefully the next one will be “Member of the Supreme Court and NFL Quarterbacks.”

I try not to link to too much content, but this might be the coolest guy ever. I have huge doubts that this is actually a girlfriend posting things her boyfriend has said, but no matter its clever anyway.

In a world where every other guy seems to throwing his penis in a wrapped burlap bag like a bundle of kittens, this man retains masculinity.

Ice dancing.

me: So I was watching ice dancing on TV …
e: I didn’t think it was possible to out-queer figure skating, but look out! Here comes ice dancing!

Population: You.

While E was playing Civilization 4 I decided to go to the store. He asked if I would bring him back something, I said no, and he said:

“And I was just going to name this city I conquered after you. I guess I’ll have to call it Bitchburg.”

Tons more over here.

I don’t get it. You get picked to sing the national anthem. You are either a big star, or an up and comer and you are likely to sing for the largest single audience of your life.

You step up to the microphone. You’ve done all the work all day to make sure your voice is in tip top shape. The stadium sound and television sound have coordinated the sound to make sure it sounds good for everyone. The P.A. guy gives you a huge introduction ….. and then you proceed to FUCK Francis Scott Key in the ass. Texas style.

Sure you can remember the words to a Spice Girls song, but your stupid ass cannot spend five minutes learning the words to the Star Spangled Banner. There has been every single kind of mangling you can imagine on the Banner. I cannot even compile a list of complete fuck ups in a single post. Today’s was the Colts Patriots playoff game to see who goes to the super bowl. Fucks up the lyrics. It’s “through the perilous night” NOT “to the perilous night” ya fuckin smacktard. “to the perilous night?” what the fuck does that even mean.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Most of the lyrics in popular music don’t make any fucking sense anyways. The best performance in recent history was performed by Whitney Houston in Super Bowl 25, and she’s a crack head now. I’ve seen 8 yr old girls at the state fair perform the song better than half our big time music acts.
To all you big time musical acts considering performing at a big time sports event. Francis Scott Key doesn’t like to be fucked in the ass. Knock it off. In fairness, Britney has not fucked up the Star Spangled Banner. Yet.

If you spent a couple hours wasting your life watching the People’s Choice awards, you quickly realized that indeed the masses have their heads up their collective asses. I don’t watch shit like that, but after the awards were given out, television is getting bombarded with advertisements bragging they won a peoples choice award. That’s pretty much the equivalent to winning the cutest pig at the Arkansas State Fair. And you happen to be female.

Looking at the list of winners and its no wonder Hollywood is content shoveling shit in our direction. “Click” wins best comedy? Are you kidding me? Seriously folks, beat the shit out of your kids for going online and voting for this crap. Sandler was a has been when he was crappy comedy relief on MTV’s “Remote Control.” His bits haven’t changed a bit and a fat 40 yr. old doing the same jokes is gonna be some sad ass shit.

Grey’s Anatomy for best television series? I guess that was to be expected. I thought Grey’s Anatomy was pretty shitty the first go around when it was called Ally McBeal. Instead of an anorexic self absorbed lawyer banging dudes in the copier room, we have an anorexic self absorbed doctor blowing guys in the nursing supplies closet. That and throw in some sad bastard hipster guitar music instead of that god awful Vonda Shepherd.

Eva Longoria won for “Favorite Female TV Star” Star. Ha. That’s the funniest part of the award. She should have gotten an award as “actess on a crappy show men only watch to have something to put in their fantasy file for later in an othewise droll television drama.”
The music categories weren’t much better. Knickelback won. In case you don’t know who Knickeback is, they sound like every other band that sounds like Knickelback. Much like all flushing toilets sound the same in a public restroom. And speaking of hanging out in public bathrooms, Kenny Chesney won for favorite Male Singer.

After rewarding “artists” for this half assed work, you can bet we are in for another year of absolute shit devoid of talent. I predict next year in stunning fashion, My Super Sweet 16 will win every award in every category. Thus providing the catalyst for the planet to cave in on itself in one massive dense pile of shit.

I made the call on January 2nd that you could make a metric assload of money on Apple. AAPL was sitting at $83 a share on January 3rd with rumors abounding but nothing substantial. There were even rumors floating about Steve Jobs leaving which was likely started by dick head shorts or those who knew AAPL would smoke MacWorld and wanted to push it down early.

Today Apple Inc. sits at $95.80 a share. You made a quick 20% off of two weeks holding. There are very few days like that in the market. Very rarely will you make that kind of cash on a high profile stock when the rumors are widely known.

Apple could have thrown out a shitty iPhone that was nothing more than a iPod with some communications gear just slapped into the form factor. (read PALM and MOT). But they didn’t. They widely exceeded expectations and brought out what is the most revolutionary product in an industry that has a glut of shit ass products with interfaces that were designed by street bums.

The question Nokia, Motorola, Palm, and Sony must be asking themselves is “how the fuck did we blow this one? We had years of a headstart. Why don’t we have something 1000% better than this already? How in two years have they leapfrogged us?”

The answer is simple. There is always room for solving problems in an innovative way. Everything you hear about market saturation is crap. Solve problems in an innovative way and there is always room. Get a great, smart, small, design team and rock their socks off.
Congrats Apple. You threw off the old Apple defeatist attitude (but I KNOW we’re better than Microsoft) and went out and became winners. You quit spouting your party line and declaring yourselves patriots and went out and solved problems and kicked ass. It’s the only thing that matters. Winners win. Losers talk about “buying American.”
There are 12 million of these phones and healty price points, and they are gonna sell all 12 million. This will be the standard by which phones are designed, and everyone else is shitting their pants. Dump your Motorola (the RAZR is shit. seriously) , your Nokia, and your Sony (SNE is a shit stock.). They are losers who cannot figure it out.

Tucano Microfiber Second Skin for 17\” MacBook Pro - Notebook carrying case - gray

Apple has had a huge run up over the last half of the year. I told family and friends to all buy in this summer when the stock price was in the shitter as the iPod’s start to lose their huge growth period. Why was it a buy then?

Simple. Even with no net increase in the cost of Intel chips, lots of a thousand intel processors were gonna be about 20% lower because IBM cannot produce lots that efficient or the cheap. With the additional increase in prices with the Intel chips (about 20%) that means with no growth in sales their margins were guaranteed a nice bounce.
The latest anecdotal data says that college students purchasing for school show that they are adopting the new Intel chipsets capable of dual booting are undergoing a HUGE increase. Some campuses are showing double the number over the previous year. That is great news for Apple since most college students are very influential in their parents technology purchases. It will take awhile for the echo-boom to occur, but that bears great news ahead.

That is the long view. The short view? No one really had a great idea of what will be presented at Macworld in January. There are plenty of good guesses and all should give a great bounce. Now, I wouldn’t stick around until after the announcement. The run up will occur prior to the announcement. The phone is a sure bet. No one knows if they can hang, but I think they will sell a metric ass load. Why? Interface. The average interface for a telephone seems as if it was designed by complete ‘tard with no regard to the final user. The ipod which would be a great base has an interface that his proven and that people love and are loyal to. Apple has 12 million slated for sale, and if the price is right they’ll sell em all.
Mutual fund managers have been taking a long time to take a hard look at Apple. Since Jobs left Apple was a huge disappointment and flash in the pan story. The savvy ones are looking to get in and will keep having to buy for some time. This should give some stability to the down side.
Now, don’t be a fucking moran. Don’t hold this goose too long because all the profit takers will be looking to offload since they already own it (me), unless you are holing for the long view. I will give the usual disclaimer. Do your own homework. It’s not my fault if you lose your ass, this article is free, and as such is free from any liability for your retard ass.