Everything Swank

Oliver Stone

Oliver Stone has been a relevant director for about 15 minutes in 1986 when he made “Platoon” which was a semi-decent Vietname war movie which netted Best Picture which ranks it as one of the most overrated movies of all time.

Stone’s other forays into history are the incredibly badly done Nixon and the successful but ADDA style film J.F.K.  A most basic look at the accuracies of these movies shows they are about as awful as they come.  When it was announced he’d be doing a biopic on George W. Bush, most people dismissed it out of hand as a political hit job just in time for the election.  Being an infamous liberal in Hollywood, it’s timing appears to comes off as a patronizing piece of propaganda.

For the first time, Stone has actually put a movie together from top tier sources and the movie appears to be mostly accurate.  Far from a political hit job, the movie has plenty of inside sources and appears to be a fair treatment of the sitting President.

So why is Stone a dumbass?  Because no one gives a shit.  There is no point in doing any movie about George Bush, especially by a paranoid hollywood liberal.  Every single imaginable attack on George W. Bush has been done.  Attacks on his policies, family, friends, intelligence, speaking, looks, fans, have all been done at every level of taste and accuracy.  There is nothing left to say.  Nothing left to do.  All the jokes, accusations, and stories have been done.  Nothing will be discovered or learned and no minds will be changed.

The story of George W. Bush’s presidency has hit full fatigue.  It’s why Obama’s campaign slowed the more he used the McSame talking points.  The President is more than a lame duck president.  He is already out of the hearts and minds of the populace.

At this stage, Oliver Stone’s movie has all the effect of a knock-knock joke you’ve heard one too many times.  The movie will generate mixed reviews and low ticket sales.

It wasn’t enough for Sarah Silverman, Tobey Maguire, and the rest of the smug set, the Hollywood Hotties have to get in the game as well.  This time it’s Hayden Panettiere and Jessica Alba with a clever insulting commercial encouraging you to vote.

What’s insulting is the belief that this would actually motivate someone to vote. What the fuck do these “actresses” know about politics? I’ve seen them both act. They’re fucking terrible. If they didn’t have perky tits and cute asses, they couldn’t land a part at your local community theater.  If they suck ass at their chosen profession, why do they think they are smart enough to inject themselves in the political process as saviors of the public?

You go back to making shitty movies and television where you pretend you have talent and we’ll watch them and pretend we’re watching because you have talent.  That’s the agreement.  You know fuck squat about politics.  If you care, show up and vote yourself instead of insulting the public.  Anyone who is actually persuaded to vote from watching this video is too fucking stupid to understand any of the issues and we don’t want them voting anyway.

This is what they are good at and what they should stick to.  Long music interludes where they show off their assets with no dialogue.

Note: In the interest of disclosure, I have jerked off to "Into the Blue",
but not "Heroes", that shit is for nerds.

Thanks. That’s really inspiring. I was completely fooled by that video. Here I thought you didn’t care about voting by making all these statements about why voting is bullshit. And I was all mad and then you completely turned it around like an M. Night Shyamalan movie and completely blew my mind. The best part was when you had to tell me I had to register to vote because I’m to fucking stupid to figure that out on my own. That was complete brilliance!

Where were all these geniuses when California decided to vote itself in the sewer? Horrible schools, terrible pollution, no plan on immigration, and the second highest foreclosure rate in the country. Oh yeah. They’re off flying their private jets that pollute more in one trip than you do in a lifetime. They live in gated communities and send their kids to private schools and without illegal aliens they pay low wages to, they wouldn’t have gardeners.

Fuck you Hollywood. You know who gets people to vote? Old ladies that are retired who go door to door in every town and volunteer to work the polls. Democrats and Republicans retirees who volunteer day after day to work in schools and library’s to help register and count votes and certify elections. That’s what makes this political process go. You should be kissing their asses for doing all the work you late arrival attention whoring credit stealing bastards.

MTV has continued their proud slide into the abyss. MTV has long bragged theirs is the only movie awards show for the young audience. Well, if that young audience is functionally brain dead or in a coma, that might be true.

The reason MTV got into the movie awards business was to give categories and awards that the average movie goer could identify with.

Now there are only 9 awards, and all of them are popularity contests. You know who wins before they even announce it. The rest is bullshit filler done with all the talent you’d expect from skits that have less humor and originality than your shitty high school homecoming sketches.

If that weren’t enough, they drag out their sad MTV made “celebrities.” People whose only talent is fucking up basic job duties and getting fucked by homeless band members with rich parents.  They are held up as Hollywood Stars when they aren’t qualified to work in the craft services department.

MTV’s further efforts to prove that everything they touch turns to shit were on display this week ast MTVs “reality” show “The Hills” had it’s season premiere.  Normally I wouldn’t have a single occasion to watch this kind of new porn, but the gym I workout had it on nearly every channel as all the fatass women had it tuned in so they can watch the drama.

I get the appeal.  Its just another version of “Sex in the City” dumbed down so that even the biggest idiot can follow along.

All of the girls are at least moderately cute, but none of them live a life that’s even remotely based on the average person’s reality.  But women seem to love fantasy more than reality.  Only “Audrina” is a real looker, and she’s really fucking hot as you can see on What Would Tyler Durden Do.

She’s basically the fat pathetic girl in high school you were friends with, (used and dumped by guys, completely clueless but loyal) only she happens to be stuck in the body of someone completely hot. If she weren’t such a pushover, women would hate her ass.  Her extremely hot ass.

The women are all supposed to be up-n-comers in various sexy entertainment companies.  Watch one episode and you realize why all of our movies and music and fashion companies are shit.  Not one single girl on the show is capable of doing their job with the least bit of skill, intelligence, or professionalism.  They are constantly late, forget important decisions, and lack even the most basic problem solving skills.

The message of the show is clear.  Talent means nothing.   Looking cute and having a dirt-bag boyfriend are all that matters.  Work is merely a chance for you to show others outside of your immediate circle how fucking needy and desperate for validation your no talent ass is.

I went and saw the new movie everyone’s talking about. 300. It’s an epic story about that Spartan Battle at Thermopylae. You walk in expecting what has the potential to be the greatest hand to hand combat movie of all time. For you history retards, The Battle of Thermopylae is the story of how 300 Spartans held off the invading Persian Army while the rest of the Greek City States rallied an army. The 300 Spartans and 1,000 or so other Greeks managed to hold off a Persian Army numbering over 100,000.

The battle at Thermopylae and and the Battle of Marathon are why we Western Civilization has survived.

It’s also kick ass graphic novel from the people who did Sin City. There is no way this movie won’t kick some serious ass. Swords, outnumbered odds, all of modern civilization saved from oppression.

Instead, we get what might be the gayest stealth manly movie since Top Gun. Yep. It’s that gay. The scene between Xerxes and Leonidas you are pretty sure is going to result in some serious gay sex. The only thing keeping the negotiation/massage scene from turning into a roadside massage parlor with Xerxes whispering sweet nothings in his ear, is dream catchers on the wall and a happy ending.

Throw in a hooved animal smoking some junk with lesbo strippers grinding on a handicapped social outcast, and you have the ancient equivalent of a lifer in a Las Vegas strip joint.

Lets not forget Xerxes. He’s a 7 ft tall shaved pierced man who should be working the corners as a tranny hooker instead of the leader of the largest known empire of the ancient world at the time. He seems almost surprised that you cannot conquer the Greeks with Techno music and fancy silk patterned clothing.

The director periodically throws some boobs on the screen to keep all the men in the theater, who outnumber the women 10-1 from freaking out at the obvious homo-erotic references.

If you are expecting an awesome testosterone fueled kickass movie, you’re gonna be disappointed.

Check out this photo of Anna Nicole Smith when she was hot. Which was only for about 15 minutes of her entire life.

Apparently, from the text of her shirt (looking for daddy) , she could see the future. For more pictures of an actually hot Anna Nicole Smith, check out The Grumpiest.

You knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. You cannot date a piece of shit like Kevin Federline and not go a little crazy. Hell, if I dated Kevin Federline, you’d have to peel me off the floor in a drunken drugged out stupor as well.

X-17 has the pics

I’ll leave the hot britney photos up.  My guess is they will be harder to come by as time rolls on.  Somewhere in L.A., Christina Aguilera is laughing her ass off.

Judging from the media blitz, Anna Nicole Smith’s death is more important than just about every news story of the day. Yahoo Buzz Index, states that there was more interest in Anna Nicole, than Steve Irwin’s death. No shit. A blonde with huge boobs scores higher than a crazy animal obsessed Australian? Shocker.

More Interesting was the collection of updates to Anna Nicole’s Wikipage. Here are a couple of screen caps of the different additions or changes made just after her death.

You cannot help but be impressed with the collective shit-bag effort that turns to every single way to defame a Hollywood burnout all the way until the end.

Sure they aren’t creative, but they are quick. These were posted within minutes of Anna Nicole’s death. It’s only fitting that the same guys who wanked off to her photos defile her all over her internet obituary.

In addition to trading stocks, finding the best articles, and bitching about politics and business, I do enjoy the occasional gossip straight out of Hollywood. Yahoo just released their top gossip blogs list here.

1. Perez Hilton
2. Media Take Out
3. The Superficial
4. Concreteloop.com
5. Pink is the New Blog
6. D-Listed
7. WWTDD
8. Hollywood Tuna
9. Popsugar.com
10. Just Jared

11. Hollywoodrag.com
12. Egotastic
13. I Don’t Like You in That Way
14. Go Fug Yourself
15. Bossip
16. A Socialite’s Life
17. Drunken Stepfather
18. Cake and Ice Cream
19. Young Black and Fabulous
20. Mollygood.com

Easily the best in the bunch is What Would Tyler Durdern Do? I never knew how many celebrities I hated until I stumbled upon WWTDD. It’s not the most complete gossip site on the web, but it’s easily the most mean spirited. That makes it tops in my book. He never runs out of ways to call someone a dirty whore, and that takes talent considering todays Hollywood.