Everything Swank

Good job Yahoo!

In only a couple months, Yahoo managed to not only lose a huge premium on the buyout of the stock, they also inked a deal with Google which will not only NOT help Yahoo! but hasten their death.

The whole  Yahoo Board of Directors along with Jerry Yang should be thrown out of their office and bitch-slapped.  Before Microsofts offer, YHOO was trading at the 20 level.  Microsoft put in a bid of $35.  A very healthy premium in a market getting crushed.  Not only did Yahoo! not jump at the chance to close the deal, but Jerry Yang had nothing but contempt for the offer.  He must have been channeling that girl in his high school that was too hot to notice him.

Mark my worlds.  Yahoo will never hit $33.

Why?  Because Yahoo! inked a deal with Google that makes Yahoo! entirely dependent on Google ads.  It won’t take long for Yahoo users to skip right on past Yahoo and go straight to Google.  After the conclusion of this deal, Google will have left Yahoo! entirely dependent on Google.  At that point, Yahoo will be so weakened that they will either whither away and die, or get picked up at a fraction of todays price.

If I were a Yahoo shareholder (I am not) I’d ditch the shares as soon as possible and watch the carnage.

See Ya Yahoo!  It was nice knowing you!!!

MTV has continued their proud slide into the abyss. MTV has long bragged theirs is the only movie awards show for the young audience. Well, if that young audience is functionally brain dead or in a coma, that might be true.

The reason MTV got into the movie awards business was to give categories and awards that the average movie goer could identify with.

Now there are only 9 awards, and all of them are popularity contests. You know who wins before they even announce it. The rest is bullshit filler done with all the talent you’d expect from skits that have less humor and originality than your shitty high school homecoming sketches.

If that weren’t enough, they drag out their sad MTV made “celebrities.” People whose only talent is fucking up basic job duties and getting fucked by homeless band members with rich parents.  They are held up as Hollywood Stars when they aren’t qualified to work in the craft services department.

You might be feel the pain every time you fill up, but the most pain you feel is that trip that most of us have to take 2-3 times per year. That 5+ hour drive that didn’t make a dent in our pocketbooks is not a significant expense.

You may think that flying is out of the question since airlines are adding fuel taxes and increasing the prices of tickets. You’ve also likely heard the term “staycation” several times now.

Before you pack up the car for a trip, don’t miss out on one of the cheapest ways to travel. Flight,

Even as airlines increase the price of tickets, they want to fill as many seats as possible. Your willingless to drive can mean huge savings.

The simple google query “last minute flights” can yield huge savings. Just last week, I looked at a 12 hour drive. This trip is would cost $150 each way just in fuel costs. That is a $300 round trip.

As I packed up the night before, I hopped on and checked for last minute flights. I found one that was round-trip with all taxes and fees included for $202 dollars.

I was able to save nearly $100 dollars and several hours of travel. The flight times aren’t always the best and you are at the mercy of the airlines, but a little flexibility can save you hundreds.

Warner Bros. has managed to dump huge money in a film that was bound to be a huge box office bomb.  I don’t care if the Wachowski brothers threw their magic dust all over this one, this was ticking from the beginning.

Car movies are rarely compelling.  No matter how you glitz them up its hard to make them interesting.  There was so much visual flash, you had to wonder going it exactly how much this thing was going to suck.   The Wachowski Brothers are extremely talented and creative, but at the end of the day you need to know what story you are selling to the audience.  After watching the trailers and seeing the posters, I cannot for the life of me figure out what story they are trying to sell.

This movie has very intense computer graphics that are reminiscent of video games.  The problem being this isn’t a video game.  This is a video game sequences splashed in between a story and plot that never really delivers.  Movies are at the point where they cannot deliver a graphic or interactive experience on par with the top end video games in terms of “a-ha” effect.

If Warner Bros. was looking to start another franchise or show they have what it takes to translate Comics into movies, they took two giant steps back.  Let’s hope “The Dark Knight” was a much better effort.

Erin Burnett is the hottest woman on television.  She is smart, sexy, and talks sexier than any other woman on television.  I am fairly certain she could talk about the Fed Funds rate and still turn me on.  She is that sexy.

I’ve seen “The Hill” with those stuck up bitches who have all the personality of a discarded Cabbage Patch Doll.  The women on “The View” are a bunch of sad ass spinsters (except Elizabeth) who are under the mistaken belief that they are important because legions of fat ass stay at home women actual tune in each day to listen to their commentary on current issues.

Television polishes up moderately attractive women to run around like retards and we’re supposed to be impressed and think they are sexy.  They run around with men who are completely emasculated to give the false sense that these women are super sexy and powerful.

Balderdash.  Erin Burnett is the real hot.  Smart. Sexy. Knowledgeable in an arena dominated by men.  She isn’t just eye candy, she knows what the hell she is talking about which makes her all the more sexy.
But seriously CNBC.  Isn’t it about time we got this woman in a bikini?  For fucks sake, you show copious amounts of footage anytime Intimate Brands Victoria’s Secret is mentioned.  I’m not bitching about that mind you, but I’ll be seriously depressed if life passes by with no Erin Burnett in some seriously sexy outfits.

Because Al Shaprton is too ugly for anyone to pay attention to, the baton of rambling craziness has been passed on to pop singer Alicia Keys.   Her first brilliant piece of social commentary?  That rap music  is a conspiracy by the governement to convince black people to kill each other.

Really…..

So you’d have us believe that the government recruits people like Flavor Flav to create a whole genre of music designed over 20 years to slowly create a culture of disrespect for each other that culminates in black-on-black crime?

Her songs are repitious and boring chances for her to show off her shallow vocal skills, but she was moderately hot, so I had no real excuse to hate her.  Know that I know she is a pawn of “the man” and the millions she makes are just a cover for her real agenda to enslave her people I have reason enough to hate her.

Stop whining.  Stop crying.  If you are one of the countless legions of Facebook users who feel it’s necessary to update us on every single swing of emotion that occurs in your life need to get some fucking courage.

I cannot log in without seeing countless diatribes on the sad state of your life or how overjoyed you are.  No wonder you got dumped/fired/made fun of.  You have the intestinal fortitude of a 3 year old who has shit their diaper.

You wonder why no one loves you?  Well wipe the tears away for two fucking seconds and clue into one simple fact:  You are not as important as you think you are, and we care less than you think we care. Do you like hanging around a bunch of moody bastards or sad Sally’s all the time?  Good. Neither do we.   The only reason I read your 10 paragraph memo on Facebook about your broken heart is I want to save it off for later and mail it to you when you have some real problems.  You’ll laugh a what a fucking douche-bag you were.

Suck it up.  Emotional and moody was cool when James Dean does it.  You just make yourself an emotional leper that no one wants to spend time with.  Knock that shit off already.

MTV’s further efforts to prove that everything they touch turns to shit were on display this week ast MTVs “reality” show “The Hills” had it’s season premiere.  Normally I wouldn’t have a single occasion to watch this kind of new porn, but the gym I workout had it on nearly every channel as all the fatass women had it tuned in so they can watch the drama.

I get the appeal.  Its just another version of “Sex in the City” dumbed down so that even the biggest idiot can follow along.

All of the girls are at least moderately cute, but none of them live a life that’s even remotely based on the average person’s reality.  But women seem to love fantasy more than reality.  Only “Audrina” is a real looker, and she’s really fucking hot as you can see on What Would Tyler Durden Do.

She’s basically the fat pathetic girl in high school you were friends with, (used and dumped by guys, completely clueless but loyal) only she happens to be stuck in the body of someone completely hot. If she weren’t such a pushover, women would hate her ass.  Her extremely hot ass.

The women are all supposed to be up-n-comers in various sexy entertainment companies.  Watch one episode and you realize why all of our movies and music and fashion companies are shit.  Not one single girl on the show is capable of doing their job with the least bit of skill, intelligence, or professionalism.  They are constantly late, forget important decisions, and lack even the most basic problem solving skills.

The message of the show is clear.  Talent means nothing.   Looking cute and having a dirt-bag boyfriend are all that matters.  Work is merely a chance for you to show others outside of your immediate circle how fucking needy and desperate for validation your no talent ass is.

Today Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York got nailed in a prostitution ring.

Spitzer was a former prosecutor turned Governor. A man who pledged to bring down corruption and crime. He’s most famous for his critical look at Wall Street companies and any of their shady dealings.

Apparently a man of his status cannot figure out how to get a secretary to give him some “extras,” because he was a regular paying up to $4k for a couple hours of high priced whore action. To top it off, he’s a critical partner of Hillary Clinton. At last report, he isn’t quitting his job. He calls this a “personal issue.”

Personal is when you get caught cheating with the local Denny’s waitress and you work as a trash collector. This is a man who represented one of the most important legal offices in the country, and he is getting blowjobs at the Mayflower hotel from “Kristen” a 5′5 petite brunette.

A man paying for sex isn’t shocking. A politician in the public eye paying for sex isn’t shocking. A Governor paying for sex before, during, and after his election to the USA’s second most powerful state isn’t shocking. What’s shocking is this dumbass thinks that there is a blowjob worth $4k. For that reason alone, he clearly has no concept of fiscal responsibility.

How about the wife. Do we really have to watch her stand next to this guy? How fucking phony is that? Unless she was there and chipped in for a threesome, the most famous photo she will ever take shouldn’t be about her husband banging a model/high-priced-whore.

In an effort to produce another epic movie, Legendary Pictures with Warner Bros., decided to produce an epic from very ancient times featuring a Mammoth Hunter to free his people and find true love.

Instead of using the opportunity to write a unique story given the flexibility the  historical timeline of the movie provides, you’ll get two hours of B-Movie acting, writing, directing, and special effects done on a large movie budget.  The lines are as campy and predictable as a day time soap opera, and  the plot is a mash-up of movies like  Conan: The Barbarian, Willow,  and The Beastmaster.  All of which are better in every way to this stank fest.

Trust me when I say this movie has absolutely nothing original.  All of the monsters you’ve seen before and you’ve seen done far better in other movies.  None of the effects are worthy of even being called effects.  Discovery Channel does a better job with “Great White Shark vs Crocodile.”

Often though, a movie like this doesn’t have to be particularly original or have great acting

and dialogue if the action is awesome.  Unfortunately, the fight sequences have all the intensity of a middle school production of High School Musical.

This movie sucks. Big time.  Warner Bros. is lucky to have some other big movies coming down the pipeline, because this is no suprise hit.